Jan 4, 2021
On this episode of Mindful Impact with Justin Francisco, the host speaks with a purposeful parenting expert Lorena Seidel about creating a parent-child connection and harmony that lasts. They will also talk about proactive tools to address children's dynamic and family issues.
3 Key Points:
- What parents really wanted is to raise good human beings and have a lifelong connection with their children.
- Both parents must be on the same page to create a more consistent household, thus, setting clear boundaries with their children.
- Break the negative cycle by creating positive interactions with your children, thus, creating better strategies to end children's bad behavior.
Episode Highlights:
- 5:10 Lorena learned that at the bottom of it all, people want to be better parents, to raise good human beings, and want to have a life long commotion with their children.
- 6:20 Daily, parents are fostering relationships with their children in every interaction that they make.
- 9:27 Research shows that most adults have the maturity emotionally of an 8-year-old.
- 13:36 Understanding each other's programming as parents is a big piece of parenting.
- 15:35 Most issues with couples in parenting are being too kind and/or too firm. Then, they end up compensating for one another.
- 17:30 Parents compensating with each other for being too kind or too firm will end up creating a very inconsistent household with no clear boundaries.
- 19:07 It is essential to understand the root cause of the sibling dynamics by understanding the impact of adding a child to the family.
- 20:44 When there's a sibling fight, parents must be neutral and never take sides.
- 21:30 Taking sides will create the "bully and the victim" mentality thus, developing sibling rivalry.
- 25:44 Be more proactive rather than being reactive as parents.
- 27:05 A pro-active tool is having a family meeting at least once a week.
- 31:16 Start a gratitude practice in a family meeting.
- 32:30 Know the "bug and wish" of each family member to brainstorm the solution.
- 36:00 In mindful parenting Lorena recommends, connecting before correcting.
- 46:45 Children tend to negotiate but stay with the boundaries that you set.
- 48:25 Give yourself a time-out to calm down and brainstorm a different approach to teach children when you feel guilt and shame.
- 50:21 Change the mindset, as there's so much power in doing it over again.
- 50:47 Work on repairing the connection with your children
- 56:07 Negative interactions such as shaming and blaming create disconnection, thus, creating negative behaviors.
- 57:27 Break the cycle of negative interactions starting with the inner work to access better strategies (e.g. validating, brainstorming, connecting before correcting, apologizing, etc).
Tweetable Quotes:
- "I live and breathe this topic of parenting because it is not just what I do, but what I studied, it's what I teach, it's my work."- Lorena Seidel
- "All of us, we learned the love that we live, we learn the parenting that we experienced."- Lorena Seidel
- "Parenting is one of the jobs that didn't have a strategy. A proactive tool is having a family meeting." - Lorena Seidel
Resources Mentioned: